This weekend was suppose to be a nice, throwback weekend. Can I just have that? I know it may be so much to ask for things to go back to the way it was, even for a little while, but apparently we can't?
Michelle came back for the summer and this weekend was suppose to be the first time Linda and I see her and we'd get to hang out, have a sleep over, and then spend Sunday just being lazy.
It did not go that way.
Original plan was, watch a matinee movie on Saturday, then have lunch (possibly sushi) the rest of the day is debatable, but we'd end up back at Michelle's for the night where I would sleep over and in the morning have breakfast with Linda. It was a nice plan and one we've been preparing for all week.
But then Linda forgot she had to work Saturday, which was fine. We can skip the movie. She gets off around two, then she would get me and Michelle and we'd hang out. But then she got a call, on Saturday while she was at work, from her brother that he was having a barbecue at his house with the family and she was obligated to attend. We opted not to go and just have Linda drop me off at Michelle's, which I understand is asking much of her, and we're always making her the driver (sucks not being able to drive) so I try to go by her schedule because i'm putting her out.
But she took too long, she didn't even get to pick me up until 4, and by then she was already way too late for the barbecue. So she picked me up and we went to the barbecue then go to Michelle's. And yeah, we did fail to tell Michelle that plan, then again I didn't know of the plan until Linda got me. So when Michelle called us she got pretty mad. And yes, I also understand her side. She cleared her whole day to hang out with us yet we didn't get to her until 6 at night.
It was all very poor planning, yet our plans are never set in stone. Linda is bad at planning, at setting concrete schedules. Michelle probably lives on a plan, I don't know. - That's a sad thing, we've been apart for way too long that I don't know her anymore. And me, as much as I want to be on a plan set in stone, it's not really in my control. I don't have the car and I can't push Linda so much because she's already doing so much for me already.
Maybe it's because I know Linda way too much that the fact that the schedule changes so constantly doesn't bother me anymore. But Michelle has been gone for a school year so she's not as used to it. And from what they've told me, they haven't really been hanging out while i was gone in the Philippines either. And to be honest, Michelle has always been peeved about Linda's flakiness.
So now why do I always feel like it's my fault. I know it's not but I feel like I am. I'm always in the middle of their spats. Maybe it's because i'm too empathetic. I take too much in consideration what other people think. Not just in general but of me.
I've never been good at confrontation either. As much as I want to talk to them about it, these issues they have, I just know that my lack of eloquence in real life is gonna make me say something that will offend them. And we may end up not talking to each other, or ever. And i can't afford that. They are the only friends I have, the only people I have in my life who isn't my mom or brother. I cannot afford to lose them.
I am not even exaggerating in the slightest! The only person I ever hang out with is Linda. And through her I have Brandy and all of my other friends. And then there's Michelle, who's not really here. Through her, I have her friends that I don't really talk to but when we see each other we talk.
I am literally just scared of losing everybody.
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